Condom Fairy—me, 10yrs ago, handing out free condoms to every man I saw at my first-weekend-of-college festival. Would *you* have used a condom on the Condom F*ggot, Sir?
I am too weak and stupid to be trusted with making decisions. That's why I need someone to take away these keys and make me a good, mindless, obedient boy for them.
